I'll have humble pie, please

So I'm "man-ing" up. My boys got smacked. I knew it wasn't going to go well the night before when I got a text from a friend of mine who had some connections (staying at the same hotel as the team, had field passes, went in the locker room after the game) that Champ Bailey wasn't going to play. At that moment, I knew it wasn't going to happen. But we went anyway. We got there a couple of hours early, watched the warm ups from as close to the field as we could get without actually being on it. Took lots of pictures (that I'll post soon, forgot the camera this morning). The game starts, and it's chilly but not really cold. Not compared to the Christmas Night game of 2004 when it was 26 degrees at kickoff. Started out nicely, marched right down the field and put it in for seven. Then Carolina gets the ball and without even really exerting themselves, answers. A Champ-less defense finally ran out of steam. About halfway through the second quarter, I started to realize that we weren't going to win. No one, and I've seen every single snap this year, no one has put pressure on Cutler the way the Panthers did. Combine that with the fact our starting running back was selling cell phones a month ago, and I finally resolved myself to the fact that it was going to be a long, long day. For some reason at the end of the half, we have the ball at our own 18. 30 some seconds left and we call timeout. You figure in that situation, you're going to take a shot down field right? No, we ran a toss right with a guy in his first game in eight weeks, he fumbles and they get a cheap field goal right before halftime. It was the only time I yelled. Until...
The game is almost officially over (it had been over since that fumble). Denver has the ball is for the first time in two quarters, progressing down the field. Tatum Bell (the cell phone salesman, "T-Mobile") got a run and broke it for a first down. Lindsay, God love her, still into it, stood up and cheered. That's it. Stood up, clapped, and said "wooohooo, go!!". No taunting, no "take that, Carolina sucks", none of that. She sits down, and I hear, "scoreboard" from behind us. At that point, I snapped. "Scoreboard!?! Really dude? She's cheering for her team, she didn't say anything to you." By the time that was out, I realized it was a young teen boy, I'm guessing 13-14 years old that had spoken up. This kid now was realizing, "Oh, he's not going to just sit there." No, I wasn't. The kid now with a stunned, half smirk on his face said "I was just trying to watch the game". I said something along the lines of "your team is winning ok, but that doesn't make you a badass, you're not going to talk to her anymore." At this point his dad chimes in, "Cool your jets" he says to me. "Talk to your son, if he's man enough to talk, make sure he talks to me." We go back and forth a few minutes, finally calming down. Then a few rows behind all that, a younger boy (maybe 8-9) cheers for the Broncos. Lindsay, now with the fire fully stoked turns and says, "You going to tell him to sit down too?" Round two. He says something to her and I reminded him that if he was going to talk, to direct his wit to me and not to her. His dad says, "I'm getting stadium security" "Go get 'em" I tell him, not caring if we got kicked out, there was :35 left and we're down 20. Moral of the story I explained to the security guy what happened he nodded and said, "well the game's over now" the kid with his dad left.
And that was it. Two days later, I probably took 30-10 out on this kid. But I stand by what I was saying, even if the way I said it could've been better. That kid doesn't know that I'm not the same guy I was 2-3 years ago, a guy that in those circumstances would've made that scene much, much worse for everyone involved. "What were you going to do!?" Lindsay asked. Nothing, I didn't want to hit the kid, the dad, or anyone, but I did want him to learn (because he apparently hadn't yet) that having a ticket to a ball game (concert, whatever) doesn't give you authority to talk to people, especially women, that way. If Lindsay had stood up and said, "Yeah, we rule! Carolina can kiss it!" Then maybe, she would've brought it on herself. But by her standing up briefly, cheering innocently, and sitting back down, the classy thing to do would have been to maybe snicker, roll your eyes, and just enjoy the win. If I had stood up and cheered, and he had said it, fine. I don't care. But what I wanted the young man to know is that you don't get to talk to my wife like that. You don't know her, you don't have permission to speak to her that way. You stick your head in the lion's mouth, you get bitten. He, and myself too, are lucky this didn't happen a few years ago. I don't know if I handled it perfectly, but I know I protected my wife outwardly. God's grace and wisdom that I've allowed to sink in over the last couple of years kept that scene from being any worse. Now if only He would've been so gracious to let Champ heal a little more quickly, I could've been the one celebrating...

"Sunday....Sunday....Sunday!!!!"

Since this is the last day I'll be around a computer before Sunday, I thought I'd go ahead and blog about this weekend. This Sunday, the first time that my boys will have ever played a regular season game in North Carolina (they played two preseason games). The pictures from above are from the games I've been to in Colorado (vs Kansas City in September '06, vs New England October '05, and a stadium tour before the Kansas City game). I've been to two other games that I couldn't find pictures from on this cojmputer (vs San Diego November 2003 and at Tennessee Christmas night of 2004). But this Sunday, the Denver Broncos will be playing the Panthers in Charlotte. It's not only my team, but it's a huge game. Denver wins, they clinch a division championship. I've seen them play in person four times, I've seen them beat a defending world champion, I've seen them break records, I've seen a home opner, but I've never seen them clinch a division championship. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am. It will be Lindsay's first ever NFL game. It will be my parents' fourth Bronco game. I've been to five Bronco games, four games not involving Denver. This is by far, the one I'm most excited about. I'm not worried about rooting for the visiting team, I don't think Panther fans are generally hostile to outsiders. Even if Denver wins, I have no intention of gloating, so I don't forsee starting up any scene, which I think for the most part is the only time fans in that stadium would become hostile. They won't come back to Charlotte for at least another four years, so this is Haley's Comet kind of rare. The tickets weren't too expensive, at least not compared to what I'm used to. I've been known to drop $340/ticket...twice. I'm so excited for this game, and for everyone riding home with me on Sunday night, it'll be a much more pleasant ride if we (that's right I said "we") can win. I know Carolina looked good Monday night, but that was Monday night. Rarely are NFL teams that fired up two weeks in a row.

I have no idea

I know what you're thinking, "Hey wait, that's not Colorado." You're good.

About to fall asleep last night, I'm flipping around the channels because "The Daily Show" wasn't having one of its best nights. I come across "The Pursuit of Happyness". It's a Will Smith movie from a couple of years ago where he plays this (eventually) single dad living in San Francisco, struggling to make it. And by make I don't mean, make the NFL. Make it in Hollywood. I'm talking about "I'm not sure if we're going to be able to eat tomorrow" make it. I don't want to tell the whole movie, but there's a point, maybe it's the low point (at least one of them) where Will's character, (Chris) and his son in the movie (who by the way is his son in real life as well) have to spend the night in a subway bathroom. Sleeping on the floor of a underground railroad bathroom because they've been kicked out of multiple hotels and apartments because Chris can't pay the rent. Chris' son somehow falls asleep, and as someone comes to the bathroom door, tries to get in but can't because Chris locked the door from the inside, Chris begins to cry. I guess in the moment he was afraid more that someone was going to tell him he and his son couldn't sleep there. That yet again, they'd have to find somewhere else to go. I imagine that was the fear more than someone was going to harm either of them.

And then it dawns on me as I start to tear up with Chris, I have no clue what that is. I know Will Smith hasn't always been as "fortunate" as he has EARNED himself to be now, but I don't know that he really truly, deep down has any clue what that is. I can promise you I don't. I have no idea what it's like to hope that someone doesn't tell me that I can't sleep on the floor of a public bathroom because I don't know where else me and my four year old (I'm guessing on the age but it doesn't really matter) son can sleep. My idea of struggling now is having both the Broncos and the Tarheels lose on the same weekend. To say I have it good, well, it's kind of insulting. And this isn't one of those, "count your blessings this Thanksgiving" blogs. Those kind of annoy me...no offense if you have or are planning to write one. But it just hit me when I saw that scene, man, I don't have any idea what it's like to be scared like that. To be hopeless like that. That's purely a credit to my parents. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm going to have a yard sale tomorrow, give away all my worldly possessions so I can really appreciate what it is to relate to those who have lived the story of the man in the movie, some without a happy ending. I like my Direct TV and I don't have to apologize for it. But I think while I don't think God is really asking me to strip down all of my possessions to a bed, some clothes and a couple of loaves of bread, He is asking me to realize that it can all be taken away. For not necessarily doing anything wrong.

Recently there's been a lot in the news about the "Big Three" automakers going to the government asking for I think a $25 billion bailout. The CEO of Ford Motor Corporation, when a congressman asked if he (the CEO) would consider reducing his million dollar salary to help his own company, his employees out instead of part of a $25 billion taxpayer bailout. Paraphrasing, "No, no I think I'm ok where I'm at." This guy has never seen "The Pursuit of Happyness". If he has, he was too busy counting hundred dollar bills to pay any attention. I'm not offended by what he said on my behalf, I'm ok. I'm offended by what he said on behalf of the Chris Hudson's of the world.

But what's more than the offense that I took from that, is the inspiration I get. Not from Will Smith in a movie, although it is a good movie. I get the inspiration from friends that I have that have been in similar situations. One in particular. Lost their income. A very young child to take care of. And he'll tell you he was worried at times. Not "subway bathroom floor" worried, but worried. While he wasn't worry free, his faith was remarkable. He just knew God was going to provide. And now He is. If this blog is wondering and direction-less, you know what it's like to have been in my head since I flipped the channel on this movie last night.

I turned it off before the fear of being in a similar position kept me up all night. I'd seen it before, so I know what happens. But I can't help but watch that and think, "Do I have enough strength to fight through the way the guy in the movie did? Do I have the strength that my friend that I mentioned does? Other friends I didn't mentioned who've had similar stories. Those that I don't know that have had similar stories?" I don't know. I like to think I do, but I don't know. All I know is I have no idea what it looks like to be in the middle of that storm. And I am, yes, incredibly thankful that I don't. Dang it, and I told myself this wasn't going to be one of those types of blogs. Anyway, I guess this was just a really long way of thanking my parents, for not ever letting me sleep on the floor of a subway bathroom. I never came close.

*Sigh....*

It's been a while.....

Did you miss me? I guess we have been so busy we have not had time to do anything. Marc has been doing a number of things with work. BBQ Festival, meeting Adam Gregory, Matinsville Race, The Fair!, and I am sure things I am missing. Below is Lindsay and Adam Gregory.




Needless to say October is the month where we go go go! I am also in the musical "The Sound of Music" at the moment so that is taking away from the free time. Well I am having a good time with it! I do know that. We had free time on Tuesday to share with friends. We went to Chris and Molly's and it was a great time. The food was great and the fellowship even better. I love getting together and sharing with friends. It is a time that feeds my soul! Especially since there was a little one running around part of the night. And even though she wasnt feeling to well she still let me shake my booty with her to some Veggie Tales!



So Marc made me dinner last night! The first time! It was very good. Chicken alfredo. Except I am not big on mixing the chicken in so I ate mine with some different sauce. He did a great job and even cleaned up all the dishes as well! You cannot tell me you wouldnt want husband like mine! Of course you cant have mine because well, he is MINE! hehe! I guess that is all for now. My friend Jen is getting married this weekend so I am sure I will have something to tell you come Monday!

I can't think of a title

Just to get this out of the way, that of course is a picture of Colorado. This post has nothing to do with Colorado. I just like pic's of Colorado, so I throw them in when ever I can. Regardless of how or if it relates to what I'm writing about.
Ok, that said, I've really been struggling lately with roles. I'll tell this story as quickly as I can. The radio station I work for is getting a new morning show. A few days ago we had a staff meeting to unveil who it was going to be. It was a sales slide show presentation that was put together to show to clients but we were getting a look at it first to be "introduced" to the new guy. The slide show started by featuring each of the stations' websites, and then the air staff members. When my station came up, there was the new morning guy, Angie, Bill, next station. Skipped over me entirely. I've been here nine years. Granted, I'm not the dominating personality or as well known as those that did make the presentation, but I'm somewhere in between what being left off and being the focus.
Since then, about a week and a half, I've really been struggling with my role. My value, my worth. I know I'm valuable to my family, that's not what I'm talking about. And I'm not saying I'm taking that for granted, it's awesome that I am treasured by those who love me. But there's a degree to which we want those who have no part of our family tree to notice us, appreciate our efforts, value us. We want to be important. I don't want to be responsible for every little thing important, the guy who can't put his blackberry down long enough to eat a meal important. But valued for what I do. I'm never going to be the most popular or beloved in any circle, and I'm fine with that. I really, really am. I don't get my value as a man from being recognized on the street as a guy who is on the radio. I don't like it, much less get my worth from it. But I mean, really? I don't even make a staff presentation? I was told it was an oversight, but still. The damage has been done. It wasn't just that incident, though that was a seriously painful arrow. Feeling ignored by some friends, just a general feeling of being over looked, invisible.
Then comes my time in the word, which I honestly don't spend enough of, but I was in it this one day, and I come across this. Romans 12:4-6 from "The Message":

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

That last part, "let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't." And I just wept. How convicting is that of a man who claims to not want too much attention, and then wonder why he's not getting what he thinks he should. My wife seems to think I'm pretty cool (though she calls me a dork all the time) the was I was "made to be". My parents are endlessly supportive, honestly (sorry mom & dad), but sometimes to a fault. How many times, especially over the days since that slide show episode, have I been envious and comparing myself to those who naturally attract people and are easily "beloved"? I think those who take the time to know me, generally like me. But how many people do I really let get that far? Is it because I've lost so many people through one avenue or another? I'm scared I'll loose someone else so I refuse to invest anything past the surface to begin with? I claim to refuse the glare of the spotlight and then become envious of those who have it shown on.

To my credit, the very last part, "trying to be something we aren't". I think that I do well. I won't sacrifice my heart in order to get that notoriety, attention, acclaim, whatever you want to call it. I just complain instead.

And this isn't a desperate search for comments on this blog, comments when I see you, emails or phone calls, "Just read your blog and I want you to know you're valuable to me because x, y, z." I've just been convicted by something I read in Romans (so far my favorite book in the entire work).

After that sinks in, I feel led to read 1 John. And find this:

2:15-17: Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.

Wanting to appear important has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. You take that pointed verse, and combine it with a line I read in Donald Miller's "Searching For God Knows What", and you realize something. The line I read says this:

Even Jesus says His glory comes from the Father, which I take to mean that even Christ...was valuable because God loved Him

I'm not valuable because people notice me. I'm not valuable because I make a slide show presentation. I'm not valuable because the people I work with do or don't appreciate my effort. I'm not valuable because of what my wife, my family, my friends think of me. I am valuable because God loves me. Me. And He does. Oh how He does. There's nothing I can do, no level of good deed or stupid mistake that will earn His love or take it away. I have His love because He is so loving, not because I did some good things. I can't tell you how relaxing that is. How calming. To realize that even if I'm not seen by those I walk by every day in an office, even if my friends sometimes look right by me, He says I'm valuable. He says I'm glorious. No one can take that away. And I didn't have to earn it. I couldn't have. Praise Him. Even though this is revelation I'm sure I'll forget entirely too easily.

By the way this is our Baby!

Sheba in her coat to stay warm....as if she didnt have enough hair!

This is her at Daddy's Work